Self-discovery feels so good.
Lately I’ve been rediscovering and discovering so much about myself. After having my heart kicked in the ass early this year I was left hollow. Blah blah blah…no I’m not complaining it’s just a fact at this point. I’m over it now and am so much the better for it. But the fact of it is that at that point myself was intertwined with herself - and when that disappeared everything in my life came into question.
About a month and a half ago I met someone who challenged and inspired me with the strong person that she was herself (I briefly mentioned it in an old post), and this was the turning point that has been pushing me to go down this path of self-discovery. This chance meeting re-lit the fire under my ass and I’m so grateful.
I’ve come to realize that this past summer I’ve subconsciously been keeping myself busy to avoid dealing with some of these important things. Why? Honestly it was because I was scared to. I look back now and often wonder why I was so blind - but to do that would be to trivialize a situation that was not quite so simple. The fact is that thinking on these things was exactly what I NEEDED and there was nothing to be scared about. This weekend, I did a lot of reevaluating my goals in life. A lot of meditation and conversation…the where-I-am-now and where-I-want-to-bes, including a serious check on my priorities. They were not where they should be. But now that they are I feel like life is back on track again. It’s taken me a long time to get to where I am now but I’m so happy that I am.
One surprising part of myself that I’ve come to discover is the desire to settle down. A friend of mine just recently bought a house. I helped him move in one night and it seems to have kindled something inside of me that wants to settle down. Now I’ve always sort of thought of myself as transient: my home being where I lay my head to rest - and I know my friends will back me up on this. …So to say that the inclination to settle down made me check myself would be an understatement. I always knew I’d want to settle down eventually…create a home, maybe have kids, start the next chapter of life, but I always sort of just sort of resigned it to some time in the future. I never actually thought at which point my desire of lifestyle would turn…and apparently it’s turned just like *that*. More than once I’ve found myself walking down the street these days, peeking into other people’s living room windows as I walk by wondering..wondering..wondering. This is all new to me.
Life, love, happiness…I’m optimistic. I find myself going back to my old mantra: “True friends, close family, and love. Focus on these three things and everything else will fall into place.” It’s a little simplified for where I am in life now, but I still think it’s a good starting point. Here’s to the future.
