A few months ago now I had foot surgery. Minor and nothing complicated, but it was enough to gimp me for some time. Exercise is something I need, it helps keep me balanced. So even ordinarily a physical hinderance like this is very difficult for me. But it also came at the worst possible time - right when two of the most unexpected and hardest things were thrust in front of me. Dealing with the tragic disappointments of life and the reality of death is hard, and not having that physical outlet during it all was difficult.
But I am now healed in more ways then one, and am excited about the present and the future. I can do yoga again! And ride my bicycle, and longboard, and go boxing, and walk barefoot at folk fest! Life is good.
Time is precious and is the most valuable thing you can possibly give, and it is with this thought that I carefully choose where I spend my own time. From volunteering at The Bike Dump to energy exchanging at my local yoga studio this fall, I will give back where I can. And in doing so will help further causes that I believe in on top of personal growth.
Thanks to all my true friends, both old and new. You’re the best and I appreciate you so much.
When you develop strong feelings for someone you will always have strong feelings towards them - they don’t just go away. What exactly that type of feeling is can shift dramatically, but it will always be strong and directed.
“It’s a funny thing about comin’ home. Looks the same, smells the same, feels the same. You’ll realize what’s changed is you.” -Benjamin Button
Two weeks ago I returned from Cuba. It was an amazing trip. Cubans never cease to amaze me with their generousity and kindness, despite so much hardship. The people there are so genuine and trusting. My cuban friends even joked about hitchhiking being their national sport!
This was the first time I’ve returned to Cuba in 5 years, and the way I experienced it was…much different then the last time I was there. Last time I was only 17 years old, and stayed on the tourist path nicely laid out before me. This time, I made an effort to get off the beaten path, making real connections with the locals. I went fishing with a local for hours on the rocky shore. I grabbed some beers and wandered through the local market (talk about a stark difference from even the tourist thrift markets). I played baseball with some locals in the town near where I was staying. I experienced Cuba.
I’m back in Winnipeg now and I’m having trouble slipping back into the way of life here…it just feels less “right”. Although I’m back where I was before my trip, I feel like I’m looking through a different set of eyes…or at least with a different perspective. Friendliness in the streets is few and far between here: Saying hello to a passerby is considered odd…hell even making eye contact makes people feel uncomfortable. In the morning I look at blur of cars buzzing past my bus stop: Most all of them occupied by but a single driver. And then there are all the things we take for granted here…
Our problems are so miniscule here compared to big problems in other places in the world, and we place so much emphasis on them. It just seems so dumb, so…pointless. I can’t help but feel we live in a hopelessly segregated, introverted society.
Will I readjust? …or do I even want to?
“ To the desert go prophets and hermits; through deserts go pilgrims and exiles. Here the leaders of the great religions have sought the therapeutic and spiritual values of retreat, not to escape but to find reality.
Paul Shepard, Man in the Landscape: A Historic View on the Esthetics of Nature
“Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work.
And the only way to do great work is to love what you do.
If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking, and don’t settle.
As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it.“
-Steve Jobs
stick my hands through the cage of this endless routine
just some flesh caught in this big broken machine
The Dragon In My Garage
by
Carl Sagan
“A fire-breathing dragon lives in my garage”
Suppose (I’m following a group therapy approach by the psychologist Richard Franklin) I seriously make such an assertion to you. Surely you’d want to check it out, see for yourself. There have been innumerable stories of dragons over the centuries, but no real evidence. What an opportunity!
“Show me,” you say. I lead you to my garage. You look inside and see a ladder, empty paint cans, an old tricycle—but no dragon.
“Where’s the dragon?” you ask.
“Oh, she’s right here,” I reply, waving vaguely. “I neglected to mention that she’s an invisible dragon.”
You propose spreading flour on the floor of the garage to capture the dragon’s footprints.
“Good idea,” I say, “but this dragon floates in the air.”
Then you’ll use an infrared sensor to detect the invisible fire.
“Good idea, but the invisible fire is also heatless.”
You’ll spray-paint the dragon and make her visible.
“Good idea, but she’s an incorporeal dragon and the paint won’t stick.”
And so on. I counter every physical test you propose with a special explanation of why it won’t work.
Now, what’s the difference between an invisible, incorporeal, floating dragon who spits heatless fire and no dragon at all? If there’s no way to disprove my contention, no conceivable experiment that would count against it, what does it mean to say that my dragon exists? Your inability to invalidate my hypothesis is not at all the same thing as proving it true. Claims that cannot be tested, assertions immune to disproof are veridically worthless, whatever value they may have in inspiring us or in exciting our sense of wonder. What I’m asking you to do comes down to believing, in the absence of evidence, on my say-so.
The only thing you’ve really learned from my insistence that there’s a dragon in my garage is that something funny is going on inside my head. You’d wonder, if no physical tests apply, what convinced me. The possibility that it was a dream or a hallucination would certainly enter your mind. But then, why am I taking it so seriously? Maybe I need help. At the least, maybe I’ve seriously underestimated human fallibility.
Imagine that, despite none of the tests being successful, you wish to be scrupulously open-minded. So you don’t outright reject the notion that there’s a fire-breathing dragon in my garage. You merely put it on hold. Present evidence is strongly against it, but if a new body of data emerge you’re prepared to examine it and see if it convinces you. Surely it’s unfair of me to be offended at not being believed; or to criticize you for being stodgy and unimaginative— merely because you rendered the Scottish verdict of “not proved.”
Imagine that things had gone otherwise. The dragon is invisible, all right, but footprints are being made in the flour as you watch. Your infrared detector reads off-scale. The spray paint reveals a jagged crest bobbing in the air before you. No matter how skeptical you might have been about the existence of dragons—to say nothing about invisible ones—you must now acknowledge that there’s something here, and that in a preliminary way it’s consistent with an invisible, fire-breathing dragon.
Now another scenario: Suppose it’s not just me. Suppose that several people of your acquaintance, including people who you’re pretty sure don’t know each other, all tell you that they have dragons in their garages—but in every case the evidence is maddeningly elusive. All of us admit we’re disturbed at being gripped by so odd a conviction so ill-supported by the physical evidence. None of us is a lunatic. We speculate about what it would mean if invisible dragons were really hiding out in garages all over the world, with us humans just catching on. I’d rather it not be true, I tell you. But maybe all those ancient European and Chinese myths about dragons weren’t myths at all.
Gratifyingly, some dragon-size footprints in the flour are now reported. But they’re never made when a skeptic is looking. An alternative explanation presents itself. On close examination it seems clear that the footprints could have been faked. Another dragon enthusiast shows up with a burnt finger and attributes it to a rare physical manifestation of the dragon’s fiery breath. But again, other possibilities exist. We understand that there are other ways to burn fingers besides the breath of invisible dragons. Such “evidence”—no matter how important the dragon advocates consider it—is far from compelling. Once again, the only sensible approach is tentatively to reject the dragon hypothesis, to be open to future physical data, and to wonder what the cause might be that so many apparently sane and sober people share the same strange delusion.
There is nothing more frustrating to me than a fake person. The worst part is that they fool no one but themselves…how sad.
I wonder how many masterpieces go unread…
